Existential crisis: what it is and what helps

Signs of an existential crisis

There is no checklist, and you don't need all of these. You might notice:

• You keep asking 'what is the point?' about work, relationships or life in general.
• Things you used to care about feel empty or pointless.
• You feel stuck between the life you have and a life you can't quite picture.
• Thoughts about death or time running out keep coming back and feel heavy. If they turn into thoughts of not wanting to be alive, get support now: Samaritans 116 123 (UK and Ireland), 988 (US), findahelpline.com elsewhere.
• You feel alone with the questions, as if nobody else could understand.
• You feel overwhelmed by the number of choices, or by the weight of being responsible for your own life.
• You are restless, anxious, flat or tearful, and can't quite say why.

Some of these also look like depression or anxiety. If low mood, loss of interest or worry has lasted for a while or is affecting your sleep, work or relationships, please talk to a GP. You don't have to decide for yourself what it is first.

What can set off an existential crisis?

Sometimes there is a clear trigger and sometimes there isn't. Things that can set the questions off include:

• A death, a serious illness, or a brush with your own mortality.
• A big life change: leaving school or a job, a breakup, becoming a parent, moving country, retiring.
• A milestone birthday, or a moment when you compare your life with the one you expected.
• Achieving something you wanted and finding it didn't feel the way you thought it would.
• Loneliness, or losing a role or a group that gave you a sense of who you were.
• A period of stress or burnout that leaves you with no energy for the usual answers. See signs of burnout.
• A world event that makes the future feel uncertain.

It also helps to know the questions aren't a sign you have done something wrong. Asking what matters is part of being a person who can look at their own life.

What helps when you are in an existential crisis?

Nobody can hand you an answer to 'what is the meaning of life'. These ideas are about steadying yourself while you live with the question, and slowly building a sense of what matters to you. Try one or two rather than all of them.

1. 1Be with the question before you try to solve it. Notice that you are asking, and let yourself say 'this is hard and I don't have an answer yet'. Rushing to a neat conclusion doesn't make the question go away. You can write the question down in your own words, then put it aside for a while.
2. 2Get clearer on your values. Values are the things that matter to you, such as honesty, care for others, learning or creativity. Naming them gives you something to steer by, even when the big picture is unclear. The core values worksheet walks you through it, and how to find your core values explains the idea.
3. 3Look for small, daily meaning. Meaning doesn't have to be a grand purpose. It can be a task done well, a conversation, a walk, cooking for someone, or tending something. Each evening, write one thing that felt worthwhile, however small.
4. 4Journal about it. Writing slows the thoughts down and gets them out of your head. Questions such as 'what do I want my days to be made of?' and 'who do I want to be to the people around me?' are a start. Try journal prompts, the self-reflection worksheet or who am I?, and see how to start journaling if you are new to it.
5. 5Connect with other people. These questions can feel very lonely, and saying them aloud to someone you trust can take some of the weight off. You don't need them to have answers. A friend, a family member, a faith or community group, or a counsellor can all be good listeners.
6. 6Do something for someone else. Helping a neighbour, volunteering or supporting a friend turns your attention outward, and caring for others is one way people find meaning.
7. 7Make a 'questions I am carrying' list. Write down every question that keeps coming back, then sort each into 'can be answered' (for example, 'do I want to change jobs?') or 'to live with for now' (for example, 'what happens when we die?'). Pick one from the first list to act on this week, and let the second list sit without needing an answer yet.
8. 8Be kind to yourself about it. Treating yourself as you would a friend who was asking these questions makes the process easier to bear. See how to practise self-compassion.

What does research say about meaning in life?

Researchers study 'meaning in life' as a sense that your life makes sense and matters. A review of studies by Czekierda and colleagues found a small-to-medium link between feeling life has meaning and better health, mostly when people rated their own health. These studies find links, not proof that meaning causes better health, and they don't show that any of the ideas above will resolve an existential crisis for you.

So the honest summary is this: meaning matters to people, it is worth working on, and there is no guaranteed method. The suggestions here are reasonable starting points drawn from existential thinking and everyday good sense, not a treatment.

When to get more support

Safety comes first. If your questions come with hopelessness, a feeling that there is no point in carrying on, or thoughts of not wanting to be alive, please reach out now. Thoughts like these are serious, and you deserve support from a real person. In the UK and Ireland, call Samaritans free on 116 123, any time. In the US, call or text 988. Elsewhere, findahelpline.com lists free, confidential lines by country. If you might act on a thought, or you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number. Our helplines and support page has more routes.

Please also talk to a GP or family doctor if the questioning has lasted a while and is affecting your sleep, appetite, work or relationships, if you feel low or anxious most days, or if you are using alcohol or other substances to cope. If you stop drinking suddenly after heavy, regular use, it can be medically dangerous, so see a doctor first. A GP can check how you are, and can point you towards talking therapies, including counsellors who work with questions of meaning.

You don't have to wait until it feels bad enough. Wanting to talk it through with a trained person is a good enough reason.