Letting go of the past worksheet: a free, printable way to stop replaying it and move on

Does writing about the past actually help you let go?

It can, if the writing goes somewhere. Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema studied rumination (going over the same painful thoughts again and again). In a 2008 review with Blair Wisco and Sonja Lyubomirsky, she sets out the well-supported findings. Rumination makes low mood worse and thinking more negative. It gets in the way of solving problems and of acting. It can wear away the support of people around you. The same review separates rumination from more useful self-reflection. That's why step 2 asks what replaying actually gives you, and why each step ends in a choice rather than another lap of the loop. Most of this research is about depression, so we use it as a guide, not a promise.

Steps 3 and 7 borrow from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT, a talking therapy about making room for hard feelings while acting on what matters). Steven Hayes and colleagues (2013) describe acceptance as being open to what you're feeling. They're clear it is 'not passive tolerance or resignation'. In ACT, values are things you choose to move towards. Step 7 asks you to choose one. Its if-then plan comes from Peter Gollwitzer's research on implementation intentions (plans that link a situation you expect to a response you've decided in advance).

The unsent letter draws on expressive writing. In James Pennebaker and Sandra Beall's 1986 study, students who wrote about both the facts and the feelings of a traumatic event felt worse straight afterwards. But they made fewer visits to the health centre over the next six months. The authors called the findings preliminary. If writing leaves you feeling much worse, stop.

The act of closing in step 6 is a small nod to research on rituals. In three experiments, Michael Norton and Francesca Gino (2014) found that rituals after a loss (a death, a break-up, losing a lottery in the lab) went with less grief. Feeling more in control seemed to explain it, and it helped even people who didn't believe in rituals. Those studies were about grief, so treat this as a gentle idea to try. The order and wording of the steps are ours, written in plain English to be done on your own.

These are educational self-reflection tools, not therapy. See our editorial standards.

If you want to go deeper

• Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Wisco, B. E. & Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Rethinking rumination. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(5), 400-424.
• Hayes, S. C., Levin, M. E., Plumb-Vilardaga, J., Villatte, J. L. & Pistorello, J. (2013). Acceptance and commitment therapy and contextual behavioral science: Examining the progress of a distinctive model of behavioral and cognitive therapy. Behavior Therapy, 44(2), 180-198.
• Pennebaker, J. W. & Beall, S. K. (1986). Confronting a traumatic event: Toward an understanding of inhibition and disease. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 95(3), 274-281.
• Norton, M. I. & Gino, F. (2014). Rituals alleviate grieving for loved ones, lovers, and lotteries. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(1), 266-272.
• Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493-503.

Your questions, answered

How do you let go of the past?

Start with one specific thing, not everything. Name what you keep going back to, notice what replaying it gives you and what it costs you, and sort what was in your control from what wasn't. Keep what's worth keeping, say what you never got to say in a letter you won't send, then put your attention on something that matters now. This worksheet walks you through those steps in order.

Why can't I let go of the past?

Often because something was left unfinished: no clear ending, words you never said, a loss you didn't get to grieve, or a question nobody answered. Replaying can also feel useful, as if one more go will bring the answer, or keep a person close. And sometimes it's a sign of something that needs more than self-help, such as trauma, low mood or anxiety. If it's that, a GP is a good first step.

What are the signs you're stuck in the past?

Common signs include the same memory pulling you back several times a day, comparing everything now with how things were, rewriting old conversations in your head, avoiding people or places linked to it, and feeling you can't start anything new until you've made sense of the old. Losing sleep over it, or feeling low most days, is a sign to talk to someone.

How do I stop dwelling on the past?

Notice the loop when it starts, and name it ('this is the old replay') rather than following it. Ask whether going over it again has brought anything new. Then move your attention on purpose, ideally to something absorbing. A review by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema and colleagues (2008) notes dozens of experiments showing that positive distractions ease low mood. Step 7 helps you plan that move in advance.

Do I have to forgive someone to move on?

No. Forgiving someone is a choice, and you can let go of the past without making it. Moving on can simply mean the past takes up less of your life. If you'd like to forgive one day, that's yours to decide, and it doesn't mean excusing what happened or letting the person back in. If what you can't let go of is something you did, try the self-forgiveness worksheet.

Is there a free letting go worksheet PDF?

Yes. Use the Download PDF button for a clean, print-ready copy, or Print to print straight from the page. It's completely free, with no payment, email or sign-up. You can also fill it in on screen, and your answers save in this browser.

When should I get more support?

This worksheet is a self-reflection tool, not therapy. If what you can't let go of is trauma or abuse, if it comes back as flashbacks, nightmares or panic, or if it's affecting your sleep, work or relationships, talk to your GP or a qualified therapist. Trauma-focused therapy can help. If you ever think about harming yourself, call Samaritans on 116 123 (UK and Ireland) or call or text 988 (US), or find a helpline at findahelpline.com.

Keep going, related worksheets

Self-compassion

Self-Forgiveness Worksheet

A free, printable self-forgiveness worksheet for adults: own your part, tell guilt from shame, make amends where you can, and write a letter forgiving yourself.

Open worksheet→

Anxious moments

Circle of Control Worksheet

A free circle of control worksheet: sort your worries into what you can control, influence and can't control, then choose one step for each. Free PDF.

Open worksheet→

Self-acceptance

Self-Acceptance Worksheet

A free, printable self-acceptance worksheet: separate what you did from who you are, sort what you can change from what you can't, and stop fighting yourself.

Open worksheet→